Jason works as a driving instructor for Damon’s Driving School. It’s 4pm and he’s returned to his office in his home after a lesson.  Jason is 46 tomorrow and age has gotten the better of him.

The definition of a midlife crisis is a loss of self-confidence and feeling of anxiety or disappointment that can occur in early middle age. My mum always says that’s what is happening to me right now, but then she’s 78 and doesn’t even remember her first name most mornings so what would she know? Bless her. Maybe she is right though. My mum is usually right, well she used to be, back when she knew what was going on during a conversation. The midlife crisis definition doesn’t include the fact that the person being affected is giving driving lessons to a girl who may or may not be their long lost daughter. No, I’m not going through a midlife crisis; I’ve just fucked my life up.

See it’s a little less messy than I’m sure it sounds. When my boss rings to tell me my next client is a 17 year old Sophia and of course I think nothing of it but I do receive a small sick feeling in my stomach. I knew it was the name but I couldn’t put my finger on what about it.

Jason lights a cigarette and takes a long drag.

I’ve been filling her with all my car knowledge for 2 weeks now, she tells me about her crush in college and I moan to her about my boiler malfunction. Yet every time I open my mouth I want to ask her the all important question; ‘Are you my daughter?’ I’m more scared of the answer than I am of asking though, so instead I just remind her to check her blind spot, or something tedious like that.

In some ways I think I might be going through a mid life crisis. Tomorrow is my 46^th birthday, my career is to basically be a dad to several pre-adults for a couple of hours and I live in a three bedroom house with no one to share my bed or children to fill my spare bedrooms with. I’ve had the same job since I left college and had a one-night stand at least once in three months to keep myself satisfied.  To conclude my thinking, no I’m not going through a mid life crisis, my whole being has been a crisis.

He puts out his half smoked cigarette into his ash tray and swings around on his desk chair.

I’ve slept with a lot of beautiful ladies in my time but my encounters with them are now all blurs buried where my soul should be. All but one...  Anastasia Nakos, half Greek with olive skin and green eyes. Anastasia was powerful and self determined and only I knew how to make her go soft and that’s why that one night was so exceptional. I placed one tender kiss on her forehead and instantly her guard was down. Something about the cobwebs surrounding her heart made me realise that she’d never allowed herself to love before yet she gave nothing less of it that night. She was dangerous, mysterious and strong but I couldn’t say no. I finally understood what “crocodiles teeth are white daggers” really meant. It was a saying my mother had always said to me, to protect me from girls who break boy’s hearts.